I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
