Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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