Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Randomize
