Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
How naked do you want me to be?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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