I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
