Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
