hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Dear god my vagina.
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