gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
