I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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