just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Someone came in the potted fern
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
