There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
