fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
