my sisters under your porch take her home
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
