bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
