I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
