I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
