Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Girls should come with a carfax report
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
