Rock
Scissors
Fuck
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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