I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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