can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
