so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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