bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
