I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize