is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
