My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
this just has baby written all over it
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
