omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
