You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize