Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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