My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Randomize
