I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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