I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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