Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
