He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
