After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
