C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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