I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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