I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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