I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
