I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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