i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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