if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
