Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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