im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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