I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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