Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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