What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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