Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
