Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
