My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
third nipple confirmed
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
