i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
