We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
