my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
