i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
