here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Dear god my vagina.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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