i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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