dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
