Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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