i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
