I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My feet surprised me
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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