i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Four minutes until I can fart!
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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