Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
