dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
