think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
