I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He passed out mid-signature
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
