When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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