just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
