He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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