All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize