Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i jhust puked up my retainher.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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