What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
