The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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