this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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