I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
