I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
