i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
