i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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