I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
