Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Randomize
