We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
