im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
