He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
