Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize