remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
